10

The number "10" is significant for many reasons.  For today, however, it signifies the number of weeks left in this school year.

Yes, 10.

Count the full weeks from now until mid-June and subtract Spring Break and there you have it. 10.

To say I have mixed feelings about this number would be an understatement.  For starters, I can't even imagine what a wreck I will be when saying goodbye to my kids.  Call me a sap, but after spending 10 months with 10-year-olds you kind of grow accustomed to their company, therefore making the 10 weeks seem even more daunting.  Especially in the small classroom setting we have, you can almost liken us unto a family.  (Cue the visual of me, the mother duck, walking down the hallway with my 8 ducklings following.  Can you see it? Yea... I'm not even the one who came up with that one.)  

In all seriousness, these kids really have become my life and, in a way, I think I have also become a huge part of theirs.  I suppose the next 10 weeks will consist of a release of ties and, hopefully, a capturing of the essence of what I hope I have instilled in them: the desire, and willingness, to do whatever it takes to learn.  Meanwhile I can look back on the little triumphs along the way and hope that in some way, shape, or form that these small successes can at least amount to stepping stones that lead wherever each child wants to go.  I suppose that is every teacher's dream, but for some reason the 10-week mark has magnified this hope in me.

And even so, I can't help but think of how free I will feel in 10 weeks.  Free from grading.  Free from lesson plans.  Free from the day-to-day dealings.  Free to go to the beach. Free to spend time with the family and friends that I've put on the back burner for a year.  Free to sleep in (more like free to just sleep).  Free to go explore Europe for a whole month.  Free to spend my time however I want.   Free to just be.

Today a colleague of mine told me that one of her kids asked how much time was left in the school year, only to follow it with a solemn "I don't want the school year to end."  I'm sure this is due to a mixture of things. First, that the teacher is making a difference in her classroom to the point where her students do not want to leave.  Second, that the student may be lacking what you or I had to look forward to in the summer time: a safe, fun environment in which one can play and relax.  Lastly, that the student is experiencing the very human dilemma of whether the end of one thing and the start of another is good or bad.

Just as this dilemma will never truly be solved, neither will change ever go away.  The end of one thing and the start of another is a constant in life.  I will sit in the middle of this one-step-from-freedom and another-step-from-separation spectrum for the next 10 weeks.  I will watch my statements of  "I don't want the school year to end" and "I can't wait to be free" take each others' places over and over again.  I will observe and deal with behaviors that reflect both sides of the 10-weeks-left spectrum, and I will most likely reflect the spectrum with my own actions at times.  Then it will be time to gear up for next year.  

And if I'm feeling this way this time next year, perhaps it will mean that I am doing something right.