Say Something Nice

"If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing all."  Whether you were a Disney child and heard that from Thumper, or just a child at all and heard a rendition of that from your parents, we've all heard this expression one way or another.   However true, it seems as though people seldom remember the catchy motto.  In my year and a half of teaching in Camden, New Jersey, I have found the ratio of good comments to bad comments to be proportional to the ratio of the 9 square mile city to its nearly 9,000 square mile state. 

A former South Jersey resident paid for this sign with the intent of facilitating a more positive discourse about Camden.

Yet I must say, the good comments seem to outweigh the bad comments when it comes to the conviction and action behind them.  Sure, you can quote crime statistics and murder rates all you want. You can blame said violence on bad parenting or poor education.  You can even make jokes about how the kids know how to use a weapon better than they can count. Yet, while your comments are grounded in finger-pointing blame and passive criticism, every single positive comment I have heard about Camden has a foundation of life-changing action that is driven by passion, love, and hope for the city.

At the beginning of December, I had a chance to have a candid conversation about Camden with some of its biggest supporters: three fifth graders who call the city invincible home.  Usually my conversations with the kids revolve around decimals and vocabulary words, and the regions of the United States, but field trips allow me to interact with more kids at a more casual level.  This particular trip was to a puppet show whose message seemed to mirror the message these kids conveyed to me that day.  And both messages, in their simplest terms, come to one easy-to-follow conclusion: Be nice.

Just like anyone who has ever stepped into Camden, or the discourse thereof, these girls have seen and heard it all: the put-downs, the accusations, and the assumptions.  One young lady, an aspiring dance teacher who voluntarily helps with the cooking at home, recalled a time when her well-off cousins came to visit from their enormous Pennsylvania home.   Her home, which is full of love but lacks space, was received by her cousins with comments about its small size and dirty appearance.  There was paradox in her eyes when she was relaying the memory, as you could simultaneously see both the love she had for her cousins and the sadness that their comments left behind.  

Another student attends church in a town outside of Camden and hears negative things about Camden on a regular basis.  People constantly say to her, "I know you have to live in Camden, but you should go to another school." What's worse, people often mockingly ask her, "You haven't been shot yet?"  The conviction in this young lady's response to such comments is overwhelmingly mature, confident, and inspiring.  "I am in a school where I learn a lot," she said with all her heart, "and I will be ready for college."

In an assignment where students were asked to write about Camden, the same young lady who received criticism from her own family was wise beyond her years in saying that Camden in and of itself is not bad, but that there are people in Camden, just like anywhere else, who make bad choices. 

The student who couldn't even escape the negativity at church went on to say how she understands what it takes to work hard to get what you want and where you want in life.  Innocently, she spoke of her desire to have a cell phone, and how she works hard in school and at home to earn it. 
 
Why should these kids need to justify their homes? Their education? Their lives? We've all felt that pang of insult when someone walks all over something or someone important to us, and these kids and their families deal with it every single day.  These girls, who were eager to talk about their younger siblings who are learning sign language and Spanish in their Camden day cares, just want people to see Camden like they see it.  Why should they have to feel like their treasure has to be everyone else's trash?

Now, these kids are smart. They do not look through Camden with an ignorant, all-is-well lens.  At the same time, they don't wish to leave Camden just because their families and peers dismiss it with the rest of society.  They just want what all of us want: to make their hometown a better place for everyone and to be the best they can be.   Quoting trash clean-up, tree-planting, and house-fixing as things Camden needs, it is very clear that these kids see their city as their own community of which they want to be part.  Say all you want about Camden, but it is their home, and the actions of so many wonderful people will continue to speak louder than your words.

I hope that the amazingly positive movement in Camden -- because you better believe there is one -- never stops and that the people who call it home continue to embrace their city.  And I hope that the next time you speak about Camden, you have something nice to say.